So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize