I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
