"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i love accidental penises.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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