I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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