We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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