no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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