I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
