Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
