The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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