May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
