don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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