Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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