First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize