Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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