I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
