that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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