whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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