There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
