So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
