Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
