i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
