Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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