is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
