Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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