i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
