tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
