awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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