I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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