Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
