I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
