I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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