i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
