I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize