I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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