my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How external is "for external use only"?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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