why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
