Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
