sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
