My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
