I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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