im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
