Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
