Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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