no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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