I'm going to jail i love you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were trust falling into bushes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
