is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
