actually, I'm a sock model
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
