Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize