My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
