I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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