I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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