I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize