her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
