Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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