It's Friday. Sex?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
