I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love accidental penises.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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