You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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