tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
