Will you blow on my dice?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
