I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
