How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize