Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
