I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize