Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
