And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am naked and annoyed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
