i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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