go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
