Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
