actually, I'm a sock model
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
