What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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