We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
