Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
