the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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