I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
