Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize