Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
