I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I sprained my soul last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
