Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
