what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
