Sponge bath it is.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
