she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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