Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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