just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize