Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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