I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
