Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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