is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
