So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
