i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
