Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have started to decorate penises.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
