This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
