I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
