Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Less talking, more tequila
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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