Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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