Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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