Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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