I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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