He asked to "fluff my boner.."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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