I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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