Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize