You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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